Tag Archives: God


Goddammit Doster.

6:08 – Doster Green — Sorry man I can’t make it. I’m not even back in town yet.

Goddammit Doster.

Ed brings three glasses of Mad Dog into the living area of the apartment styled dorm. Cathleen and Brynn inspect the drinks like they’re wine connoisseurs. Neither one takes a sip before Cathleen speaks up, “Ed, your concoctions suck. Can’t you just give us one of something? Or at least let us decide what you mix.”

Get fucked Cathleen.

But Brynn takes a drink.

“Thank you Brynn. And it’s not one of my absolutely brilliant concoctions, it’s Mad Dog, the good red grape wine of course.” He gave the words Mad Dog a dry flair and let it settle on them but they don’t react. “It’s good, just drink it. Cheap wine with good alcohol. It’s what I’ve got so take it or leave it.”

Cathleen had already taken a couple sips while I talked and grimaced at me like she was casting a spell, a fuckin curse on me. “Stop exaggerating.”

“It tastes fine,” Brynn says and smiles. Holding her glass out for a small cheers and Ed clinks his against hers, returning the smile.

I’m pretty sure she’s already made her mind up about tasting my nuts tonight. I know I have. About her genitals.

This two seconds of lustful connection magnifies Cathleen’s missing date. The one I promised for Brynn’s friend but had canceled. I knew Brynn’s friend was a Cat, but she didn’t say it was Cathleen.

She stayed over New Year’s night, or morning. Just a good ole fashioned New Year’s party filled with drinking and flirting and who’s going to be your kiss? and you are and making out back to my room and she springs on me I’m a virgin. At first I thought she was going to let me be her first but she assured me she wasn’t ready. The most I got from her was some titty licking. Oh and she did rub on my cock, but only after I moved her hand there and even had to start the motion. After she fell asleep I went out and drove a couple nails into this Elizabeth chick. Business major you know? Me and Cathleen hadn’t really shown much interest in each other after that night when she woke up and I wasn’t there. She was gone by the time I came back later the next evening. It’s pretty easy to avoid someone when they’re trying to do the same to you. Or maybe I’m wrong considering we’re in the same room once again.

But back to the point, even if I knew, it’s hard to sell a virgin. Everyone I know just wants to get laid and then figure out later if we want to get to know you, and if we must get to know you we want to be rewarded with some ass. Telling your friend that the girl is a (resistant) virgin will likely back them so far up I might as well ask God himself. Find your own date bitch.

Coming back from Christmas break people apparently tend to come back as last minute as possible. At least they do here at UTC. Except for Brynn and Cathleen from Nashville. For some reason they say they prefer Chattanooga nights.

“No it doesn’t,” Cathleen says but continues drinking.

No drink should ever taste beautifully great. “No real drink should ever taste beautifully great. It’s the cringe in the drink that makes it a drink. If anything, the cringe is what makes it taste beautifully great. Embrace the cringe.”

“Not with wine.”
“Vodka!” Brynn squeaks out. “Vodka never has a, cringe problem.”
“That’s because you girls like to mix it with all kinds of shit. That’s all vodka is now is a base to mix shit with to get off easy.”

“Shit like this?” Cathleen starts looking at the drink like she thinks I might have slipped something in it.

I continue, “And if it were my choice it would have all been beer. But I don’t have a fake.” Neither did the girls so we had to settle. No parties in the vicinity and really not much to do. What was the plan anyway? The girls seemed content with just hanging out here.

After the last swig from her glass Brynn laughs and accuses, “How do you have twelve bottle of mad dog wine?”

“It’s what the guy used to pay me with from what he owed me.”

“What did he owe you for?”

“A bet.” Ed refills her glass and his own.

“A bet on what?”

“Miss America Pageant.”

She laughs, “Who did you bet on?”

“Miss Indiana.”

“I didn’t get to watch it, who won?”

“I won… Miss Indiana.”

“Ah,” her laughs catch up to the conversation, “and what was her name?”

But my laugh left her behind. “I don’t know.”

“Miss Indiana?”

“Why would I remember her name?”

She stops laughing but holds a grin, “You’re a pig aren’t you?”

“Only if I can eat your slop.”

“I think I’m going to go.” Cathleen calls my bluff that anyone is even coming. She apparently thinks I’m playing a joke on her. Good.

“No Cat let’s stay. Let’s drink. I don’t want to go now.”

“Yeah yeah my friend is only running late. He’s just getting back in town.”

“He’s not even in town yet?” Cathleen asks with the rhetoric of a bitch. Brynn’s phone starts to vibrate violently and she steps aside to answer it, “Arny! Hey!…”

“No. He’s not. But really where are you going to go? No one is here, you might as well chill and drink here instead of just hanging out by yourself.”

“I can go to the void.”

“Ah fuck the void no one’s there tonight. And they charge you double for being under twenty-one. Yeah, fuck that place.”

“And you think here is better than there?”

Ed’s phone begins ringing.

“Hold on here, here he is, see?” He holds his phone up to show the caller: Larry Felun.

He steps into the hallway separating the bedrooms, away from the living area.

“Larry please be my savior here and drink with me and these two girls I know you’ve got a girl but all you need to do is just help me entertain the friend. I’ve got Brynn here and she’s one head bob away from getting dick smacked and I think you’re my key for letting this happen you just got to chat up this, hey Larry… Larry…?


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